The Rules

  Jan 31, 2003

I saw a Brittish documentary on "The Rules" -- the bestseller on "how to capture the heart of Mr. Right". Written by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, the book declares rules, commandments really, on how to date.

The authors stressed that the Rules must be followed to full extent, they're not tips and advice to be applied when you feel like it, no, in order for them to work they are to be thought of as just that; Rules. If followed appropriately, they will put you in charge and in control, boost your confidence and nail Mr. Right, they claim.

It's all about giving the impression, being actually, unattainable. It makes you irresistable and men love the challenge. Once the challenge is over for them they become uninterested. Ellen and Sherrie aren't therapists or psychologists, but, they're married so they should know.
The Rules are about creating and sustaining the impression of being unattainable. To achieve this you are to manipulate, lie to and deceive men.

Don't call him, rarely return his calls, act as if you at first don't recognize his voice when he calls (because you date oh so many men). Don't pay for anything. Don't cook for him. Always end phone calls, and dates. Don't give him compliments. Don't go away on trips with him and do not have sex with him on the first date.

However, the book doesn't say how to respect the easily manipulated man after having lied to and deceived him until you got that ring on your finger.

I wish any woman who applies the Rules the best of luck on her quest for Mr. Right. They'll need it once the charade is over, when he loses patience or when he discovers the lies.
The kind of men who want a down to earth type of woman, the girl next door, the kind you can build a healthy relationship with, aren't likely to have time for their games, either.

The first of the three women in the documentary ended up engaged to a man she had been dating for sometime before applying the Rules on him.
One of the women couldn't lie to men to the extent the Rules necessitated. She figured that it's better to lose a man for being herself than because she's playing games.
The last woman had been seeing a man for a while before applying the Rules on him, he quickly realized she was playing games, said he didn't have the time or urge to play along, and dumped her.

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Comments

  1. I get very tired of my friends when they give me advice like this about women. If you pretend to be something you're not, then there's no way you can make anything real and lasting.

    Of course, you can still hide your character flaws for the first couple of dates at least...

    Comment by Chris at 02:43, 01 Feb, 2003 #

  2. Tomas, your learning how to manipulate men?

    Comment by cyberhill at 07:49, 01 Feb, 2003 #

  3. I'm often rude, consciously or not, and I don't really like or care for people. I'm almost a loner, since I like spending a lot of time in my apartment and I rarely go out to "socialize". So how the hell could I end up with a woman? This same woman has now stuck by me, for better or for worse, over 2 years now. I guess I'm lucky, since I sincerely doubt she would've used "the rules" on me. Really stupid rules by the way; "get Mr. Right by not being yourself". Ha! Let's see how long that marriage will last.

    Comment by talisyn at 10:22, 01 Feb, 2003 #

  4. "Evil, evil I tell you!"

    Yeah, there's absolutely no room for those kind of mind games in any kind of relationship that I'd ever be interested in.

    Comment by Ryan at 23:05, 03 Feb, 2003 #

  5. Funny though, those rules inevitably work like magic when it's men using them. The BF - Bastard Factor. Apparently. It's irresistible. Bah?

    Comment by nickie at 23:49, 03 Feb, 2003 #

  6. nickie: astounding reflection. you're quite right.

    Comment by Tomas at 23:51, 03 Feb, 2003 #

  7. "The Rules" has just made it into the British consciousness? Jeez, we dumped that dumb-ass book yeeears ago.

    Comment by Cheshire at 21:26, 12 Feb, 2003 #

  8. Chesh: Nono, it's not really news per se, I was just agitated by a documentary about it I saw and had to vent it. ;-)

    Comment by Tomas at 22:01, 12 Feb, 2003 #

The discussion has been closed on this entry. Thanks to everybody who participated.