Some of you might have seen the trailer of Bad Boys II, thinking to yourselves that "Hey, that's some pretty cool action scenes". You might even have considered watching the movie, if and when the mood to see a popcorn-flick instills, expecting to see nothing more than cool action scenes suspended on a typical action movie plot; kind of like in the first Bad Boys movie.

Those of you who are acquainted with the action movie producer Jerry Bruckheimer probably know that while Jerry is probably the most shallow movie producer out there, he has managed to put together a couple of action movies actually worth watching. Some of you might also be acquainted with Michael Bay, who has directed a handful of movies for Jerry Bruckheimer (those being the only movies Michael has directed).

Those of you who don't care much about director or producer track records might simply think that Bad Boys was pretty good and judging from the Bad Boys II trailer, the sequel seems to be as good as the first movie, if not even better. Those are some pretty nice action sequences, after all.

Jerry Bruckheimer has managed to put together a couple of pretty good movies lately, such as Pirates of the Caribbean, and... and... well, Pirates of the Caribbean was pretty good. Anyway, to get to the point: do not underestimate just how bad a movie Jerry Bruckheimer can produce with his head kept high, especially when Michael Bay is involved. Remember Pearl Harbor? That was Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay, that's how bad they can suck.

Right about now, you might be thinking that Jerry and Michael also made The Rock and Bad Boys, and while they aren't exactly masterpieces, they were very well worth watching. You'd be right, but you'd be missing the point: Bad Boys II is every bit as bad as Pearl Harbor.

- But how, Ben Affleck isn't in Bad Boys II, is he???

No, he isn't. Thinking about what the outcome of that would have been boggles the mind in a way that I suspect isn't healthy. Bad Boys II, while really bad, isn't that bad; you won't sustain permanent brain damage from watching it. That doesn't mean I guarantee you won't, just that I personally didn't suffer any permanent damages, that I'm aware of, so far. I don't know, maybe it will sneak up on me in the form of eye-cancer or something to that effect.

Expect Bad Boys II to be like Bad Boys but with an ending and twist more disgusting than Pearl Harbor; essentially we have the familiar black "bad boy" cops, starring Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, who just like in the first movie are always fighting and yelling at eachother, chasing bad guys, killing every potential suspect and witness, destroying every structure in their path, and so on and so forth. Once in a while, like every thirty seconds or so, they make another race related joke, just like in all other Hollywood movies starring one or more black actors in a lead role, as if that very notion needs comical relief.

Most of the movie is just like Bad Boys, just much worse. Jerry Bruckheimer has managed to perfect his successful minimalistic production principle of removing every bit of plot not absolutely necessary. The really disgusting part comes at about the time when Martin Lawrence's character's sister gets kidnapped, if you absolutely have to see this movie, walk out here, for your own good. For this is where Pearl Harbor comes in, everything hereafter is every bit as drenched in disgusting patriotic bile as Pearl Harbor is.

Basically, the bad guys snatch the sister and fly off to Cuba with her, and since the police can't do anything -- officially -- they go off to cuba unofficially along with some CIA agent friends of the police chief, also "unofficially". In one scene where Will Smith is sitting, face painted, in a helicopter on the way to Cuba, I think I noticed his lip trembling, probably pondering if this is the last movie anyone, except Jerry Bruckheimer, will ever let him do.

There is a certain possibility though, that Bad Boys II will become an example for aspiring movie directors to study how to not grossly imitate good action directors without some basic talent yourself.

Update: Some quotes from other reviews:

"What's most enlightening about Bad Boys 2 is this: you'll never see a better example of filmmakers' contempt for their audience." Efilmcritic.com

"If Bad Boys II had a secondary title, it would be Hurl Harbor; it's that sickening." Deseret News

"This is a film that is so bad that it forces me to consider whether I might have been a bit hasty when I recently claimed that "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" was one of the worst things ever produced by man." Critic Doctor

"The latest collaboration between director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer, two filmmakers who bring out the worst in each other, is just as bloated and fatuous as their previous efforts." Miami Herald

More at Rotten Tomatoes.

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